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How to have that difficult conversation you’ve been putting off…

How to have that difficult conversation you’ve been putting off…

Posted on January 8, 2021April 5, 2023 by Sheela Hobden

Often, the thought of a conversation, and our wild imagination about how bad it might be prevents us from having it. Here are ideas on navigating it to success for all!

Posted in ArticlesTagged conflict, conversation, feelings, manager, mental health, perspective, share, time out

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    Amanda, Chief Operations and Finance Officer

    Sheela has been a great coach for me. She asked me up front what I wanted from a coach and has retained and acted on this information throughout our sessions. I have become much more reflective having worked with Sheela and she has held me to account on my agreed actions.

    Amanda
    Chief Operations and Finance Officer

    Audrey, NHS Team Secretary

    My sessions with Sheela were really helpful in giving me strategies on how to say “no” and not feel bad, if there are things, I don’t have time to carry out. One of the main things I enjoyed was drawing a heart and putting in all the things that I am and things I am good at. At first, I found this very difficult but then realised that I didn’t have enough room to fit everything into it. I use this model to bring back my confidence on busy and hard days which are many. I recommended Sheela’s sessions with all my work colleagues and think we could all do with taking part in regular session’s every now and then, to help build up our resilience, and self-awareness.  Many thanks Sheela.

    Dr Kate, GP Partner

    It has been a really transformative experience. I have found your insights and challenges hugely helpful.  I would be happy to recommend you to anyone!

    Dr Ruth, Salaried GP

    The two sessions I have had 1:1 with Sheela have really helped to build on and personalise the work done via the "Reset, Rebalance, Revitalise" course. I'm sure they would be equally helpful as a stand-alone piece of work through. Despite having some knowledge in this area, I have struggled to apply it to my own situation. Sheela's gentle, thought-provoking approach helped to clarify some issues for me and formulate achievable goals to improve my work/life balance.

    Psychiatry Trainee

    I came to our sessions with significant limiting beliefs about how I would take my planned next steps. Some of these beliefs have been rooted in my early childhood experiences and have been a significant part of my psychology for many, many years. I have been really impressed by your methodology; how you helped me walk through my goals, addressing what’s holding me back. Together, we considered multiple different ways to address my limiting beliefs. Over three weeks, I have made enormous progress and there are tangible outcomes which have been achieved, just during that period. Coaching was extremely approachable and I felt that you created a very warm trusting space. You understood me and the things that I was trying to communicate. Thank you for your time and helping me work on some long-standing issues for which I will be eternally grateful. I would 100% recommend Sheela.

    Lydia, Practice Manager

    I was on a trajectory to hit rock bottom. I wasn’t sleeping, I wasn’t exercising and my job was making me extremely unhappy. Couldn’t see a way out.  Having been a Practice Manager for 10 years, an achievement I was so proud of, it was making me ill and I didn’t know what to do.  I felt ashamed of myself for not coping and I felt like I didn’t have a choice. Coaching helped me to see that I did have choices, and that I was strong enough to make those choices.  I learnt who I was again, what was important to me.  My outlook on life has completely changed. I am sleeping better, I am exercising again and I have changed my role at work. From disaster to success in just 3 months, but it doesn’t stop there... I now have techniques to continue to learn and develop and be ready for the next big decisions or life events that come my way.  Most importantly I am excited about life again and I am no longer defined by my job 😊.

    Andy, Principal Pharmacist

    I found Sheela’s coaching to be fantastically helpful.  I was struggling to balance competing pressures as a relatively new senior manager. She helped me reflect on my strengths, plan on how to deal with difficult situations.  It also helped remind myself that I have the skills that I need to do my job! Having an external voice provide support and encouragement but also direct my thought processes was exactly what I needed to help me feel more in control of my workload.

    Chris Watts, Executive Officer

    Thanks for the MOT4U session your ran for our Practice Managers. I thought it was excellent and I enjoyed it. It was good that you didn’t bamboozle with lots of complicated models and management tools. There was clearly lots of feeling in the same boat which in itself will be bolstering for them – remote communications/meetings will have taken away a certain amount of the peer support that they had pre-COVID.

    Kassie, Community Builder

    2020, what a year! Adrenals flaring, internal sirens screaming, emotions flailing. Sheela has been a calm voice guiding me through while I navigated the throes of ending one career and starting a brand new one amidst a pandemic, quarantine and economic panic. Her patience, encouragement and deep listening supplemented by a practical toolkit of CBT and mindfulness based exercises have been invaluable in helping me find my way out the tunnel and landing up stronger on the other side. Thank you, Sheela!

    Jennifer

    I was unsure about asking for your help, it felt self-indulgent. It was a massive step for me, I was nervous, but looking back, it was exactly what I needed to do. You were so friendly and reassuring I knew it would be OK. You were kind, and I felt safe and not stupid.  I like the fact we were looking forward all the time, as I wasn’t interested in introspection. I am now in a place where I am feeling a lot more grounded and I am stronger, instead of unsure and wobbly. You helped me acquire some practical tools and new perspectives, to work to keep me in this better place and move me forward. I enjoyed the mix of techniques you used, visualisation and discussion, as well as the work you gave me to do between sessions. Meeting in different places was good, it meant less opportunity to fix in one place with a certain perspective. I would have no hesitation about recommending coaching sessions with you, whether people are in a good place and want to continue to move forward, or if they need a refocus, as we all sometimes do. Thank you so much for the time we spent together.

    Chris, Social Worker AMHP

    I was uncertain to first start working with Sheela as I not had been coached before. I needn't have worried as she carefully listened and quickly demonstrated her understanding of what I was trying to get at, often before I did but, still allowed me space to get there myself. Sessions went quickly and were enjoyable which is a testament to her approach. Everything felt very tailored and specific to me but I had a reassuring sense that Sheela was operating from a base of vast experience and success with others before me. Starting with broad discussions followed by clarity and focussed work helped me a lot. I always had something to focus on between sessions and found myself being more mindful in my approach to specific goals and to life in general.

    Tamara

    Sheela has a calm, thoughtful, supportive and reassuring approach which allowed me to open up and honestly explore all the issues at the levels I never knew existed and it is at that moment that the magic of coaching and its impact started to unravel. Sheela has an amazing natural ability to see through the complexity of situations and emotions and to ask just the right questions that bring a greater sense of clarity and direction, and a new sense of positivity in life and about life, which is precisely the feeling I came away with after each session. I found particular breakthroughs on developing my career as a coach and finding my authentic self and issues around improving relationships at home. Overall, my experience with Sheela has been hugely valuable for my personal development, as I now experience life with increased levels of self-awareness and feeling excited and positive about my future.

    Addy

    Sheela has helped me to clarify what it is that I want to achieve in my career and work out a practical way of how to get there. She somehow manages to make sense of my ramblings and after every session I would come away enthused and with a plan to help me move forward. She always asks the right questions to spark my thinking and has innate way of calling me out on any unhelpful beliefs. Every session has been incredibly valuable. I would recommend Sheela’s coaching to anyone wanting to make a positive change in their life

    Jess

    Sheela is a really positive, enthusiastic and friendly person. I  felt really at ease and comfortable talking to her. She really helped me to see things differently about myself, to make some big self realisations and overcome some limiting self beliefs. Sheela has given me the confidence to really believe in myself and have been able to do things I never thought would be possible a few years ago. Sheela is also excellent at giving very useful practical advice to help with networking and understanding my strengths which has helped move me forward to take my career in a new direction. I would have no hesitation in highly recommending Sheela to anyone looking for help if they feel stuck in their career or other area of life.

    Debasis

    Sheela is a coach whom I was in need at a difficult time of my life and she helped me a lot to come out from that phase. Whatever I am today, I owe her for her support, compassion, empathy and professionalism. I would love to be with her client for any given opportunity. I wish her all the success and I am sure all her clients will be benefited the same way as I had.

    Annemarie, Public Health Practitioner

    A totally positive and enjoyable experience – thank you Sheela. Loved speaking with you every session and felt very comfortable sharing my thoughts and feelings with you. The positivity and energy I came away with after each session was amazing! You’ve helped me to see things differently and focus on the possibilities in the future.

    Dr Miranda Dodd

    I booked Sheela as the keynote speaker for our Trainee Teachers Health and Well-being conference.  It was a really fascinating talk. Sheela gave the trainees a really strong mix of the underpinning theory and practical, readily accessible activities that they could implement right from today. I talked to several who were inspired by her journey and what they could take from it. Sheela had clearly put a huge amount of time, effort and thought into the preparation of the talk.  Thank you!"

    Kathryn Athow, Head of Careers

    We were delighted with the workshop on Wellbeing provided by Sheela as part of our department away day. Sheela took great care to understand and incorporate our unique needs, and the insightful and engaging session had something for everyone from our large and diverse team. Thank you very much Sheela

    Sharon

    I was 'stuck' without really knowing why, or how to move on. Sheela helped me to untangle my own thinking by asking the right questions, reflecting my thoughts back to me and offering practical advice - all of which stayed in my head long after each session. It was an excellent investment in myself, my career and my happiness, and a new role has been the payback, thanks Sheela :)

    Emma

    I spoke to a couple of coaches before I found Sheela but didn’t feel like I really connected with any of them and wasn’t sure the process was for me. When I met Sheela I instantly felt at ease and comfortable to open up about myself.  Sheela knows exactly what sort of questions to ask and when to ask them.  She doesn’t mind there being silence and gives you time to work through your thoughts but also recognises when you might be struggling and knows how to help you along. I’m so pleased that I went ahead with the sessions as I have learned a lot about myself over the last couple of months and feel that I have come away armed with the tools I need to continue my journey.  The setting was absolutely perfect too; sitting in a beach hut with a hot water bottle, hot drink, and a beautiful view of the sea.

    Anna, Practice Manager

    I found myself on a crossroads, not knowing where my career was heading with a feeling that I was losing control.  Sheela worked with me to identify what is important to me; and what’s really behind my drive to change a job/career. During that journey, I literally found myself, I am in control of my emotions and my confidence has improved considerably.  The coaching sessions gave me tools to deal with many situations and I am confident this will help me to stay on the course I’ve chosen.  Sheela provided lots of positive reinforcement and helpful ideas that I’ve started to implement in my work as well as in my private life.  I would definitely say one of the best things I have done recently was investing in coaching with Sheela.  It has been an amazing journey to get to know and understand myself.  I have accomplished more than I anticipated in starting this enlightening journey.  I will recommend coaching to anyone.

    Dr Dan, GP

    Working with Sheela has been helpful in many ways: some big, some small; helpful in some ways I expected and some I didn’t. I would unreservedly recommend her to any of my colleagues, friends or family.

    Doctor in Surgical Training

    My coaching experience with Sheela allowed me to really understand my values and character strengths. We completed exercises to allow me to frame things positively and to then reinforce this with testimonials. She helped me to understand how this could improve my interaction with other people.  I got different tools to practice with and explore how it felt using these methods.  I could then find a way to have difficult conversations whilst being true to my own values. Talking things through with Sheela felt natural and she created a safe space to have these open and honest conversations, which was tremendously helpful. I cannot recommend her services as a coach enough for personal reflection and individual growth.

    Doctor & GP Partner

    Our coaching sessions left me excited and full of ideas to look at optimising work/life balance both immediately and in the future.  Her insightful questions and support allowed me to develop strategies for both personal and professional growth.  I also got ideas to take to work to share with our entire team.  Working and learning outside with beautiful views of the Dorset coastline was the icing on the cake. I would hugely recommend Sheela, I have found it invaluable as a GP for my coach to have qualified outside the medical sphere.  She has a down to earth, realistic and energetic fresh approach to helping clients identify their values, motivations, goals and aspirations to help us all design our futures to live our best lives. Thank you so much for being an inspirational part of my journey!

    Dr Jane, GP

    Putting myself first has the knock on effect of making others happier so isn’t as selfish as I thought. I have remembered the awesome person I can be and put myself in her shoes again. Sheela, you have a natural warmth that made it very easy for me to tell you my story. The sessions were supportive and without judgement.  They enabled me to find my own answers which is very empowering. I have found my confidence and know that this is just the beginning of a bright and colourful future.

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